i think it’s every little girl’s dream to get married and to capture the moment perfectly for years to come. unfortunately, my eating disorder tainted much of the lead up to my wedding. i think it’s important to talk about expectations and the reality of what it’s like getting married, especially with all of the pressures surrounding women’s bodies. brides are inundated with videos of women who exist in smaller bodies in wedding dresses. comparison is the thief of joy. i began recovery in 2021 from years of skin pulling, squeezing, obsessing over the scale (bet your booty i don’t have one of those now!) i was restricting food until my sugar would drop and i would ralf. i'd over-exercise because i had pizza on the weekend, or let my stomach rumble as i tucked into bed because i couldn’t eat after a certain hour. my misguided version of nutrition and the war in my mind was and is detrimental to my health. since then, i had barely gotten in front of a camera, never mind a camera... or a mirror. i have gained weight. i was previously a lanky girl - tall and skinny. now, dare i say, i’ve got a little meat on my bones. while i’m proud of taking the steps to recover, it can be embarrassing to say, “i’m sorry, i can’t look at photos of myself unless i’m with my therapist... i just won’t eat after”. you can surely deduce that the thought of wedding photos was extra stressful, extra triggering and extra uncomfortable.

fast forward four months prior to my destination wedding in jamaica, my photographer cancels. the irony of all ironies is that photos were actually extremely important to me because while i may currently be at war with my body i hope to one day not be and i do want to remember this day forever. luckily, my photographer had offered me names that she had already vetted and were available for my date. to be frank, thank my lucky stars she had cancelled. every time i met with a photographer for whatever occasion i verbal vomit my trauma with my eating disorder and my hesitance of being in front of a camera, talk about TMI. BUT! brit took my verbal vomit with grace and understanding and didn’t run for the hills immediately. she sat with both of us and got a feeling for what type of pictures we wanted, and we both got a feel for the type of people we are. i can absolutely say that brit speaks to you in such a kind manner it feels like a soft hug. personally i felt understood and truly heard. she gently pushed me to make decisions because believe me when i say i’m the opposite of a bride-zilla. perhaps a bride-sloth better describes me. when i tell you brit takes charge, she gets it done. not only did she send me a list to make of photos i wanted, she also came to my wedding co-ordinator meeting to get the questions that i could not answer, answered. it was all the less load on me to not have to relay the information. on top of that, getting photographs of my friends and family had to have been like herding cats in a rainstorm. once the ceremony finished everyone scattered out of the heat so fast, i could see dust kicking up behind them, but not a problem, brit collected them and delegated tasks to others to get them done.

and now, this is arguably the most important part. i received my previews and when i didn’t look at them right away, she was understanding. she took outstanding photos and captured every moment so perfectly according to everyone i sent them to. but the entire album was the true bombshell. the light, the scenes, the ambiance, the vibes - immaculate. i looked at the photos with a giant smile on my face (without my therapist present - huge win!) brit captured the essence of us so perfectly and so effortlessly. she put work in that day, timing it perfectly to sneak us away and get pictures post-sunset with a pink sky on the beach. since then, i have looked at the photos many times, so appreciative for all that brit did for us, for me. i wouldn’t have changed it for anything. there is no photo missing that i wish she had snapped. please remember you are the best version of yourself how you currently are and if maybe you are in the same position as me, brit is it. i can’t thank her enough, she made a little girl’s dreams come true, war in her head be damned.